my mum just sent me message telling me that SEAWORLD just called and looking for me for interview.... whoaaa.... interview... thats mean i am one step closer to get my internship.... yay!!! thank for Him and Her....................

 

i think i have reached the point where i don't give a damn about anything at all. i feel tired, sick. i'm mirroring myself as a wreckage. as a dumpster where everything seems have no point or meaning.

 

i miss my home, my family, my friends, my olden days, and the most important thing: myself. i don't know when i lose myself. maybe at the end of first semester last year. maybe on the last summer. or, maybe, i lost it long time ago but i just realise it now. silly, you know if you think about it. how come a person lose him/herself?? but it did happen to me, or i think it did happen. (sigh) even i can't decide whether i lose it or not aarrrgggghhhh..

 

anyway, back to the topic. i know that i start to panic now. i haven't find any internship for July (which is another 2 months!!). everyone that know about my internship plan seems want to help but don't know how and they start to get to my nerve by asking how it is going!!! and i tell you, it's not helping at all. what will help is giving me my internship!!! that's what i need at the moment. a positive answer. not just information, but answer. an assurance that i get one. that's all!! can't you all understand that?! asking is just giving me more pressure although i really appreciate your concerns and all :)

 

also, i don't know what to do after uni. i know that i'm going back to indo for good. yes sir, for good. i can't stand to live here anymore. i'm on a mess. and i need space and time to fix this mess and i only can get it in indo i guess. i need my old friends and family. they are the one who remind me who i really am for the entire semester. they might not realise it, but i need them at the moment. i need to get  out of my current 'situation'. i need to go to the place where i can feel less pressure. so i can recognise my life again. so i can have my direction that i have planned before i came here. i need to find my old life so i can start again and i can appreciate my doing.

 

i also need my church... i miss it.... i miss being inside of one... i miss the feeling of peace... i miss the feeling of light because the weight on my shoulders are gone...